are you ready for it?
"wow."
i just keep saying that word over and over.
last night, i was talking to God about my worries and concerns. of course, finances came up among the myriad other concerns. but really, worrying about my finances is just a symptom of something deeper. for me, it's this: i do not believe that God wants to pour out good things into my life. i believe that he wants good things for me in a vague, overarching sense. but i have a difficult time comprehending a God who would allow me to " feast on the abundance of [his] house; and give [me] drink from [his] river of delights."
as i was talking to him about these things, i realized that i had this sort of cap-in-hand, beggar mentality. and i thought, "well, that's kinda lame." so i just told him that i wanted to trust him. to believe that he wants good and has good in store for me. not only the overarching, nebulous kind of good, but the deep, deep, spirit-satisfying kind of good. and i left it at that.
this afternoon, i got an email from a friend of mine. she's been in my life to varying degrees for the past ten years and has been a sister and a friend to me throughout. the email was from her and from another friend of mine -- one who has been a wise voice and a safe harbor for me more times than i can count. it said that together they wanted to bless tim+ me with the flowers and decorations for our wedding.
i started crying (of course) immediately. here's why: God knows me so well. he knows all the dreams and hopes i've stored up. not for my wedding, so much (although, of course that figures in), but for the whole of my life. he knows the disappointments and the failings and the just plain old disbelief that i've had. and i knew that he decided to show me that he Loves me. yes, Love with a capital "L." that he cares, really and truly, about the girly parts of me that i often hide in embarrassment. that he cares enough to move my friends' hearts to be his hands.
all of that is just a tiny expression of his amazing-ness. he is entirely awesome and altogether beautiful. i am his. he is mine. and his banner over me is love, hope and peace in abundance. not because i deserve it, but because he says so.
wow.
That is really great Lisa. You know I recently read the story of George Muller to my girls and this opened my eyes up to how I see God too. Muller was a man who started an orphanage, never took a paycheck, yet his needs were always met. He trusted completely and fully in God. I so wish I had faith like that, although there are times I do most times I fall short of that kind of faith. Muller built 5 orphan houses and saw thousands of children go in and out of the orphanage. Where did he get all that money? God provided. Nothing is too big or too little for God to help you with. What a blessing that you are aware that it was indeed God who was the one giving. Truly amazing!
ReplyDeleteLisa, I want you to know that you have always been inspiring to me... more specifically, your relationship with God is inspiring. You seem to know Him in a way that is so... intimate. And I want that. :)
ReplyDeleteThe story of George Muller is really good (I read a few pages about him recently, but want to read the book).
this is amazing - praise God!! - rach
ReplyDeletewhat an awesome testament Lisa:) thank you for sharing that with us:) WOW is a great word!!
ReplyDelete"Overarching, nebulous kind of good, but the deep, deep, spirit-satisfying kind of good" - I totally know the distinction you're making, and it's way important. It is grace upon which we stand, and I so appreciate the reminder. Thanks for all your latest entries - very much makes me miss you!
ReplyDelete