what if we stop having a ball?
what if the paint chips from the wall?
what if there's always cups in the sink?
and what if i'm not what you think i am?
what if i fall further than you?
what if you dream of somebody new?
what if i never let you win and chase you with the rolling pin?
well, what if i do?
cause i am giving up on making passes
and i am giving up on half-empty glasses
and i am giving up on greener grasses
i am giving up
what if our baby comes in after nine?
what if your eyes close before mine?
what if you lose yourself sometimes?
then i'll be the one to find you safe in my heart.
cause i am giving up on making passes
and i am giving up on half-empty glasses
and i am giving up on greener grasses
i am giving .... i'm giving up on greener grasses
i am giving up .... for YOU.... i am giving up
lately, i've been thinking about love. and marriage. and what it takes to really "make it." to have a love -- and a marriage -- that stands the tests of time, cultural influences, familial and scheduling pressures, raising children (or not), career choices, the loss of friends and kindred, the change of seasons, and myriad other things.
i've been realizing that i have all these little buried fears and insecurities that have to do with spending myself so completely on one thing... on one PERSON. it's a fearful act of trust and faith to be married. and i am such a flawed, frail individual.
i suppose that's the part of the question that only has one Answer. that somehow, i must reach out to the One who is Love incarnate... to give me strength to be more honest, more sincere, more trusting, more hopeful, more faithful, more sacrificially giving than i have the heart to be in my own power. and i must choose to do this day in and day out. to give myself up to the questions, to defy my own fears and just keep walking.
i look around and see examples of incredible longevity and joy. and i also see deep brokenness. i want my life, and our life together, to be the former.
i'm desperately hopeful. and, once again, i'm giving up.
